🍹273+ Drunk Texting Puns & Jokes That’ll Leave You Buzzed with Laughter! 😂🍸

Ah, drunk texting — that glorious modern art form where typos become poetry, confessions become comedy, and your phone becomes your biggest frenemy.

We’ve all been there: sending heartfelt messages to exes, confessing undying love to pizza, or trying to unlock our phones using our face… which is currently face-down on the table.

If laughter had a hangover, it’d look exactly like this list of 273+ Drunk Texting Puns and Jokes. Whether you’re crafting a funny Instagram caption, roasting your friends in the group chat, or just giggling at your past “I miss u but also tacos” messages — these puns are your happy hour fuel.

So grab your favorite drink, keep your phone at a safe distance (for your own good), and get ready to toast to some hilarious wordplay that pairs perfectly with a glass of wine or a bottle of laughter.

🍻 Do Puns Batter for Life? (Mini Pun Box)

Answer: Only if you whisk it! Because much like drunk texting, once you mix the right ingredients — wit, courage, and bad spelling — the results are truly intoxicating! 🍸

1. Funny Drunk Texting Puns Captions

Sip happens, don’t text your ex.
Textual healing after five drinks.
Proof I can type after tequila.
I’m not drunk, I’m digitally enthusiastic.
Wine + WiFi = bad decisions.
My phone and I are in a toxic relationship.
Too lit to quit… or spell.
Whiskey made me do it.
I came. I drank. I texted.
Send help (and fries).
I’m fluent in drunk emoji.
Sorry for the paragraphs, tequila wrote them.
Siri, delete my dignity.
I swear my texts were proofread by vodka.
My autocorrect is tipsy too.
Not drunk, just emotionally hydrated.
My texts age like fine regret.
Keep calm and unsend.
Liquid courage, digital chaos.
My phone deserves therapy.
Currently typing like my thumbs had wine.
I have zero proof of what I sent.
Drunk texts are my love language.

2. Funny Drunk Texting Puns One Liners

I text faster than my liver processes.
When wine talks, I text.
If I texted you after midnight, no I didn’t.
Alcohol makes me poetic and problematic.
I should get paid for my drunk TED Talks.
“I’m fine” – every drunk texter, ever.
Tequila made me type it.
I didn’t choose the drunk text life; it chose me.
Somewhere out there, my ex just sighed.
If drunk texting were an Olympic sport, gold medal.
Texts may vary depending on drink volume.
I wasn’t drunk, I was emotionally Wi-Fied.
Let’s blame the autocorrect for everything.
Beer pressure made me do it.
My liver’s sober but my thumbs aren’t.
That text wasn’t a mistake; it was destiny (and whiskey).
I’m not texting drunk, I’m typing confidently.
I send love letters to pizza after wine.
Drunk texts: where courage meets chaos.
Delete my number before I remember it.
Proof that wine can spell better than me.
I’ve mastered the art of digital regret.
One sip, and my phone’s my therapist.

3. Short Funny Drunk Texting Puns

Text & sip.
Buzzed & typing.
Delete it tomorrow.
Oops, I texted again.
WiFi + wine = trouble.
Just vibin’ with vodka.
Typo tales.
LOL-cohol.
Cheers & tears.
Message in a bottle.
Keyboard karaoke.
Send regrets.
Textual hangover.
Sip, type, repeat.
Vodka vocabulary.
Textual tension.
Emoji explosion.
Inbox intoxication.
Meme while tipsy.
Type responsibly.
Liquid logic.
Send… or don’t.
Textual disaster.

4. Clever Drunk Texting Puns for Instagram

Caption fueled by Cabernet.
One glass in and my phone’s glowing.
Texting like my wine glass is half full.
100% battery, 0% judgment.
If you didn’t screenshot it, it didn’t happen.
My phone’s drunker than me.
#OopsIDidItAgainButBuzzed.
Typing under the influence of bad ideas.
Cheers to messages I’ll regret tomorrow.
I’m not texting, I’m storytelling.
Powered by prosecco and poor judgment.
The WiFi’s strong, my decisions aren’t.
Caption courtesy of Chardonnay.
Mood: emotional but funny.
Autocorrect’s having a meltdown.
My drink’s in charge of this caption.
Socially hydrated.
Double-tapped and double-fisted.
I put the “sip” in “simp.”
Swipe right on hydration.
Hashtag hangover.
Words per drink ratio: impressive.
Living la vida vodka.

5. Best Drunk Texting-Themed Wordplay Jokes

Why did the drunk texter bring a ladder to the bar? To reach new texting heights!
What do you call a drunk texter’s autobiography? “The Message Was Sent.”
How do you know a drunk person texted you? It’s mostly vowels and feelings.
What’s a drunk texter’s favorite movie? “Message in a Bottle.”
Why did the phone blush? It saw the texts from last night.
What’s the national animal of drunk texting? The autocorrect beast.
What did the phone say to tequila? “You complete me.”
Why don’t drunk texts make sense? Because logic took the night off.
Why did the beer text wine? It missed its bubbly personality.
What’s a drunk text’s favorite emoji? 😅
Why do drunk texters love their phones? They always listen.
How do you fix a drunk text? You don’t. You move to another country.
Why did the phone vibrate? It’s having anxiety too.
Why did the ex reply? Curiosity and chaos.
What’s a drunk texter’s motto? “Send it!”
How do you find love? Through a series of regrettable texts.
Why did the phone start singing? It caught the karaoke virus.
What’s scarier than a ghost? A 3 a.m. “hey.”
What’s a drunk texter’s best friend? The delete button.
What did the bartender say to the texter? “Stop calling your ex and start calling a cab!”
Why do drunk texts sound honest? Because filters are for coffee.
What’s a drunk texter’s favorite app? Regretify.
Why did autocorrect quit? It couldn’t handle the pressure.

6. Witty Drunk Texting Puns for Social Media

Drunk texting: the real drunk dial upgrade.
I don’t text and drive, but I do sip and type.
Social media’s drunk cousin is my phone.
My captions have blood alcohol content.
It’s not a typo; it’s performance art.
I came, I saw, I typo’d.
404: good decision not found.
Unfiltered thoughts, literally.
My phone is my wingman and my downfall.
“Delete later” is my motto.
Likes cure hangovers, right?
Vodka told me to post this.
Typing confidence: 10/10
Proof that tequila writes captions.
I post therefore I am (buzzed).
Trending in regret.
If you read my texts, we’re basically married.
Sip it like you mean it.
Caption drunk, edit sober.
I don’t spill tea, I spill tequila.
Screenshot responsibly.
Posting under the influence (of vibes).
DM danger zone.

7. Clean and Family-Friendly Drunk Texting Jokes

Why did the grape send a text? It was feeling winey.
What’s a soda’s drunk text? “I’m fizzing you.”
Why did the lemonade stop texting? Too much pulp fiction.
The milk sent a text: “I’m lactose-tolerant today.”
Why did the apple juice giggle? It got a buzz!
My orange juice just texted, “I peel good!”
Why did the soda pop send emojis? It wanted to sparkle.
The water texted, “Stay hydrated, my friend.”
My smoothie just confessed, “I blend easily.”
The iced tea typed, “I’m steeped in feelings.”
Why did coffee text tea? It needed to espresso itself.
Milkshake texts are always chill.
My soda’s autocorrect bubbles with energy.
Lemonade loves sending tangy replies.
Smoothies and typos — both blended well.
Iced coffee’s drunk text: “I’m cool, right?”
Even juice boxes have group chats.
Tea-spilling level: PG.
Soda texts are always pop culture references.
My milk texted me “moo’d swings.”
Apple juice just sent me a “core confession.”
Tea puns steep into everything.
Stay sober, stay sparkling!

8. Punny Drunk Texting Quotes That’ll Crack You Up

“Drunk words are sober thoughts, but my texts are just chaos.”
“In wine, truth. In texts, embarrassment.”
“Some talk philosophy; I text gibberish.”
“A moment on the lips, a lifetime on screenshots.”
“Love fades, screenshots don’t.”
“I didn’t choose to text you, tequila did.”
“When life gives you lemons, text your crush.”
“Confidence: 100%. Accuracy: 0%.”
“All great stories begin with ‘So I had a few drinks…’”
“I regret nothing except that 2 a.m. text.”
“My drunk texts deserve a Pulitzer in confusion.”
“Wine down, text up.”
“To text or not to text — that is the tequila.”
“Autocorrect is my enabler.”
“Half a bottle in and fully expressive.”
“Let’s toast to our digital disasters.”
“My thumbs are drunk philosophers.”
“If my phone could talk, it’d plead the fifth.”
“Tonight’s texts, tomorrow’s regrets.”
“I’m fluent in wine-speak.”
“A text sent in wine is a bond unbreakable — and regrettable.”
“I don’t chase people, I chase Wi-Fi.”
“When in doubt, blame the cabernet.”

9. Drunk Texting Puns for Tourists and Travelers

Jet lag or gin lag?
Postcards are safe, texts aren’t.
Drinking across time zones, texting across boundaries.
What happens abroad stays in screenshots.
Passport stamped, messages slurred.
Drunk texting in multiple languages.
“Bonjour, je regrette tout.”
My souvenir is digital embarrassment.
Vacation calories and typos don’t count.
Wine country made me do it.
My map app’s tipsy too.
Drinking my way through data roaming.
Lost in translation, found in inbox.
Baggage claim and emotional baggage match.
Globe-trotting and text-sending.
I don’t need a translator, just spellcheck.
Postcards fade; texts haunt.
Destination: Regretville.
Safari? More like bar safari.
My boarding pass says “oops.”
Drunk texting: the universal language.
Hotel Wi-Fi fuels honesty.
Cheers from abroad — and I mean it.

10. Silly & Sassy Drunk Texting Wordplay

Don’t test me, text me (after shots).
I’m a limited edition drunk texter.
Flirting level: slightly fermented.
If you can read this, you’re sober.
I don’t ghost; I glitch.
My sass is 80 proof.
Texting in all caps because I care.
Too glam to spam.
Slaying with every typo.
Kissed my phone goodnight.
My messages sparkle like prosecco.
Confidence in a cup.
Sass delivered via SMS.
Sip it and send it.
Typo queen crowned again.
My sarcasm’s under the influence.
Wine me, text me, repeat.
Born to shine, not spellcheck.
Misspelling? I call it creativity.
Digitally dramatic, slightly drunk.
Screenshot-worthy sass.
Mood: bubbly and bold.
Classy, sassy, and slightly glassy.

11. Iconic Sayings with a Drunk Texting Twist

“To err is human; to drunk text is divine.”
“A friend in need is a friend I text at 2 a.m.”
“Don’t count your drinks before they’re poured.”
“All’s fair in love and liquor.”
“When life gives you lemons, add vodka.”
“Text not, lest ye regret.”
“A picture may say a thousand words; a drunk text says all of them at once.”
“Curiosity killed the ex-chat.”
“To text is human, to unsend divine.”
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but my regret was.”
“Every text tells a story — mostly nonsense.”
“You can’t spell ‘party’ without ‘art’… and typos.”
“Laughter is the best hangover cure.”
“Silence is golden, except when drunk.”
“The best things in life are wine-based.”
“Keep calm and delete later.”
“Don’t cry over spilled drinks, cry over sent texts.”
“Speak softly and carry a charged phone.”
“A text a day keeps the crush away (hopefully).”
“Better to have texted and lost than never to have typed at all.”
“Do unto others as you’d have tequila undo you.”
“The early bird texts nonsense.”
“When in doubt, sip it out.”

12. Share-Worthy Drunk Texting Puns for Every Mood

Feeling tipsy, not guilty.
Pour decisions, great stories.
My mood: wine and Wi-Fi.
The hangover starts now.
Text first, regret later.
Booze before snooze.
Flirting with disaster (and my contacts list).
High spirits, low spelling.
Typing feelings in bold.
I’m 90% wine, 10% wisdom.
Mistake level: vintage.
Messages marinated in Merlot.
Drunk logic, sober consequences.
Today’s mood: fizzy and fearless.
Too many shots, not enough sense.
Wine flies when you’re having fun.
I only text when emotionally carbonated.
My battery died before my dignity.
The Wi-Fi’s strong, my resistance isn’t.
Bubbles and blunders.
Champagne problems, texting solutions.
Sent it, meant it, regret it.
Drunk texting is my cardio.

🍸 FAQs

1. What’s a drunk text?

A drunk text is a message sent after consuming alcohol — usually hilarious, heartfelt, or horrifying the next morning.

2. Why do people drunk text?

Because liquid courage meets instant communication — it’s irresistible chaos!

3. Are drunk texts always bad?

Not always! Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes romantic, and sometimes… well, lesson learned.

4. How to stop drunk texting?

Give your phone to a friend or set a “Do Not Disturb (and Do Not Regret)” mode.

5. Can I use drunk texting puns for Instagram?

Absolutely! These puns make perfect captions, bios, or meme material.

🍹 Conclusion

Drunk texting might be a modern hazard, but at least it gives us hilarious puns and stories to laugh about the next morning. From clever captions to chaotic one-liners, these jokes prove one thing: humor pairs perfectly with any drink.

So the next time you’re sipping something strong, remember — text responsibly, laugh endlessly, and always charge your phone (and your charm). 🍷

Chota Hassan

I’m Chota Hassan — a laughter lover who believes every pun has the power to brighten someone’s day. Turning words into smiles, one joke at a time! 😄